her.
Trixie
16 years old, trapped in an 11-year old's body
loves the scent of: cupboards, air conditioners, coffee, cinammon, and Bayo (as in the store)
moods too easily swayed by whatever music is playing
fickle, undecided, impatient, paranoid
Jason Mraz ♥
likes things clean, but is pretty messy
interested in photography (haha as if)
out of words
Wednesday, January 23, 2008!
HandWritten on; 12:35 AM
If there's one secret dream I've told very few people of (yeah, big secret out of the bag today), that would be my fantasy of being a Hollywood star. It's embarrassing, really. I daydream about having either this huge, beach front LA mansion or a beautiful, decorated-by-someone-famous apartment in Manhattan. I would be able to buy whatever I want, and I'd NEVER be caught wearing something hideous. In fact, in my daydream, I'd always be featured in those "Major Fashion Triumphs: Best of the Week!" in not only American tabloids (or what my mom and I fondly call "chismis magazines") like Star, In Touch, and Life&Style, but also in, well, magazines all over the world. I'd be this fantastic actress, and what would make me different from all those tall, blonde young Hollywood stars (besides nationality) would be that I actually finished college. No one would call me a train wreck like how they mock Britney Spears. I'd be cool, calm, collected and together. And I'd be like Sandra Oh or Zhang Ziyi--I'd be freaking Asia's pride.
I know, I know. It's funny cause I don't even know how to act nor am I actually interested in that. But the thing is, when I leaf through the pages of those American tabloids (courtesy of one of my titas, who has subscriptions and is
kind enough to lend them to us when she's finished) or browse through "chismis websites", I am lured by this conception that their lives are just so fantastic and perfect. You drive the hottest car, wear the coolest clothes, live in the best house on the street and you earn so much money. Plus, you won't even need camera when you're feeling vain and pretty. Just take a short walk in a public place and there are people whose JOBS are to take pretty pictures of you. Your friends would all be famous and you could all write, like, the most horribly-written book in the whole world and it would SELL. How could it get any better than that? It's such a pretty picture. It's THE life. It's so, so, so easy.
But I guess one thing will remain true: life (whatever kind there is) can never be just a bed of roses nor could it be filled with rainbows and butterflies and flowers and everything pretty all the time. There will always be something behind that beautiful and seemingly perfect facade--something that, at worst, could put an end to the illusory immortality of even the most talented and handsome Hollywood star. Behind all the money and fame, are people who are just as prone to death as we all lowly humans are. What's even sadder is that there are some of these celebrities who tend to celebrate their perfect life a lot less than they should. Behind all the money and fame are not only people who are as prone to death as we are, but people who tear their lives apart to drugs, alcohol, and the like. When you look very closely, these people? Well, their lives may be more messed up than ours are. And it's sad because there are so many of them whose lives were taken away too suddenly, when they could've achieved so much more.
Kurt Cobain could've made a lot more music, and could've been the god of rock during his time. At age 27, he was found dead in his house, where he reportedly shot himself in the head.
Marilyn Monroe was an A-list actress, and up until now (46 years after her death), she is still a very popular Hollywood icon. She could've been so much more. But she was found dead and possibly committed suicide, if not murdered. She was only 36.
Today, at age 28, Heath Ledger died. He was incredibly talented, and has appeared in a number of hit movies. He was actually set to play Joker in the upcoming Batman film. He had a young daughter, who now doesn't have a dad to call her own. According to those chismis websites, it will be weeks before the cause of his death is concluded. However, there were bottles of pills near his body when the police found him.
I am mourning the loss of such a talented person, who, like all the others, could've been so much more. More than that, I am mourning the loss of this person's chance to live and enjoy his life the way it should be. Yet another one withers on the vine. But this time, I am hoping against hope that it wasn't because of something as stupid as drugs and suicide.
Monday, January 7, 2008!
HandWritten on; 3:37 AM
One thing: 30 years from now, I don't want to be some 45-year old lady stuck in an office desk filled with 6-inch piles of paper, living life routinely. I don't want to be someone whose life is void of energy, spirit and, if I may say, passion. I would hate to become this person who consumes 5 cups of coffee a day (which is actually not that likely, since i really don't like the taste of coffee and hot drinks in general. but that's besides the point), who has to take, like, a whole packet of Stresstabs or whatever, and who goes home stressed, cranky, and worse, unfulfilled.
Sorry, I'm just having sudden bursts of anxiety about my future. But can you blame me, really? About 6 months from now, I'd be busy filling college applications and balancing school work with my magazine duties and (if at all possible), on top of that, trying to have a decent social life. And it doesn't really help that I haven't got the slightest clue on what course would actually help me avoid being that lady I just described :|
Cause I'm a little bit tired of fearing
That I'll be the bad fruit nobody buys
Tell me, did you think we'd all dream the same?
(Scar by Missy Higgins)
I know, what a way to start 2008, right?
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On another note, this website is actually making me feel a bit better. It just feels good knowing you can help, no matter how simple the deed is. Try it, and remember that a little cheating in this game isn't bad at all. Go to this website for help ;)
