her.
Trixie
16 years old, trapped in an 11-year old's body
loves the scent of: cupboards, air conditioners, coffee, cinammon, and Bayo (as in the store)
moods too easily swayed by whatever music is playing
fickle, undecided, impatient, paranoid
Jason Mraz ♥
likes things clean, but is pretty messy
interested in photography (haha as if)
out of words
Wednesday, December 31, 2008!
HandWritten on; 4:45 AM
Today I did something I've never done before. Something I've been wanting to do for a long time now. And it felt so exciting, liberating.
No, I did not do drugs.
I set my tripod out on the street, kicked my slippers off, and took pictures with the rain pouring down on me. Okay it was only drizzling. Still, it was cold and wet and uncomfortable and dirty and people passing by were staring at me like I was crazy, but I was happy--more happy than I've been in so long :)
In about three hours, the new year will start. And I say, for this year, let's try to do things we've never done before. Do something new, step out of our comfort zones and get a feel of something different. It's such a cliche, but life really is short, and we don't have forever to do the things we want to do. So that's my new year's resolution. I'm determined to keep it this time. Haha.
HAPPY NEW YEAR, EVERYBODY! :)
Saturday, December 20, 2008!
HandWritten on; 5:05 AM
Sometimes I look in the mirror and I wonder how I've let myself become her. I don't know how or when or why I've changed so much over the past couple of months. Sometimes I pause from doing anything, everything and just get shocked realizing that this is how my life has become. I wonder how I managed to lose what optimism and carefreeness (yes it is a word) I had before. I wonder how I've become just plain lonely. Like all the life has been drained out of my body and I'm just standing there in the middle of such mess and chaos, the world spinning around me in such a fast pace and I'm just too frozen to even move. It sounds silly. But it's true. And I don't want to give the impression of me thinking I have the worst problems in the world. Because I don't, and I know it. It's just that it gets too exhausting sometimes. Too confusing. Too numbing. Too sad. I don't know why I'm always just so unhappy. I am stressed. I've been stressed for months. But it's not just that, and I can't put into words what I feel exactly.
Sometimes I just put all the lights off, crawl into bed, and just look at my neighbor's strings of Christmas lights that are hung on the tree near my window. I just want to lie there forever, listening to songs that make me cry, and just let the tears fall freely. No wiping, no stopping myself. It's not healthy, succumbing into this state of such sadness. I don't know why it's just become too easy to do so, rather than try to snap out of it and just be happy.
Yesterday I was a mess. But I do think that there's beauty in disaster, if only we would have the patience to look very closely. I still have a bit of hope in me, I think. And I'm just so thankful for everyone who was there who hugged me so tightly that I couldn't help but cry even more. I'm thankful, more importantly, to my co-editors and to Mrs. O. Truly, we're in this together. Despite everything, I believe I still am so very lucky. Thank you and I love you very very much.
And to you, my ever patient, comforting barkada, there are no words to describe how grateful I feel. I guess I don't need to even say it, do I? I know you know.
It's a shame I wasn't able to attend IV-1's Christmas party in school :( I hate that I missed all the fun. Hay.
Last. Ate Nancy, our helper since before Alyssa was even born, left for good a few minutes ago. I was fighting back tears. My nose stung, eyes all prickly, but I'm too tired of crying. I will miss her badly, not just because of the food but because she really has become part of our home life. I get sad thinking about how she, Ate Rose, Ate Lorena, and I will no longer have those late-night bonding sessions watching PBB or My Girl or, just recently, Eva Fonda. Jologs kung jologs. That's just what we do.
This post has been so emo (apart from disorganized). I. Am. Not. An. Emo. Kid. Just sometimes.
Friday, December 12, 2008!
HandWritten on; 5:36 AM
I think I lost my writing mojo. I am so out of it :| Gawd. What's happening to me??
I've been disappointing myself a lot recently. Help me, Santa. Take me to Christmastime and just let time freeze at that moment. That moment when holiday cheerfulness is all you feel, and everything else suddenly doesn't matter. But don't bring me to January just yet. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE DON'T. Not yet. I'M NOT READY.
Sunday, December 7, 2008!
HandWritten on; 5:13 AM
I checked my blog and saw that the background became the default photo of photobucket for pictures that aren't available. Yeah, yeah, I get it. It's really time to change my layout. So there you go :) Rina Macaraig, are you happy now? Haha :)
Friday, December 5, 2008!
HandWritten on; 4:49 AM
First Adobe-d photo :)) I was bored, I had pictures, I just installed Photoshop. Haha. It looks weird I know, pero ang sayaaaaa. HAHA. I decluttered the picture, cloned the brown leaves, blurred the background, adjusted saturation and color, and did other stuff too minute to be noticed. I'm having fun this newfound photo taking/editing.. err, hobby? :))
BEFORE
AFTER
K that's all bye.
Tuesday, December 2, 2008!
HandWritten on; 3:10 AM
Sobrang laki na ng kasalanan ko sa blog na 'to. I'm so sorrryyyyy blog. I have no excuse. The past few weeks have been oddly relaxed. I'm starting to get nervous thinking about how teachers are gonna cram a quarter's worth of lessons and quizzes and long quizzes into the next two weeks. Uggggh. Hell time again, I bet. Anyway, nothing important's been happening. Seriously my life couldn't get any more boring than it is. Last Saturday, Papa and I 
went to my cousin's restaurant opening somewhere along Taft (it's called Omu Raisu, home of the best Chicken Terriyaki omelet! Haha). He asked me to take pictures of the food for flyers, menus, etc. HAHAHA. Feel na feel ko e, nakakatawa lang :)) Yennie and I were supposed to watch Twilight after the opening, but she got caught up with other plans sohoooo to comfort me, Papa asked me to watch Twilight with him. Date daw kami :)) HAHA. But when we got there, no more seats were available so we just walked around the mall and shopped a bit. Hehe. Okay talaga kasama mga tatay sa mall lalo na pag semi-depressed ka :P After the 7pm anticipated mass (which was so freaking MALAS by the way. Ugggh Chex, please bring back my luck!), Mama, Alyssa and I finally watched Twilight. It was okay. Lovelovelove the baseball scene. And I LOVELOVELOVE CARLISLE =)) I won't mind seeing the movie twice if my friends (ehem eheeeem) would want to watch it with meeeeeee ;)On Sunday, a couple of my cousins plus my family and I went to MoA to watch Tippy's Barney show. Had fun there too. Monday was super duper boring. The only productive thing I did was have a photoshoot with Alyssa outside our house. After MONTHS of begging her, natuloy na rin sa wakas. It did involve a lot of bribing though. And a big fight. Haha. But it was worth it :D I can't explain how extremely happy I was while she was modeling. Parang miracle talaga. Here are some of my faves :)
So there :) Bye now :))
AFTER
K that's all bye.
So there :) Bye now :))